Os seres humanos mais felizes suportam bem a dor e costumam ter uma rotina mais criativa e alegre. Seu otimismo leva ao sucesso, pois consideram eventuais derrotas um aprendizado que os tornará ainda mais fortes.
Flávio Gikovate
Ser honestos e sinceros não nos dá o direito de dizer tudo que pensamos.
Flávio GikovateAfinidades no casal são mesmo essenciais?
2 de março de 2015 | 0 comentários
A questão das diferenças ou afinidades de temperamento, caráter, gostos e interesses nos casais é de enorme relevância nos dias que correm. Não foi sempre assim. Aliás, há cerca de 100 anos, Freud (“Uma Introdução ao Narcisismo”) defendia a ideia de que o ideal eram elos complementares, em que um possuísse as propriedades inexistentes no outro; isso implicaria um fortalecimento do casal como um todo, criando condições ótimas para o melhor enfrentamento das adversidades da vida prática. Hoje falamos em “almas gêmeas”; antes se falava em “a tampa e a panela”. Por que tivemos que rever racionalmente esses critérios?
A importância da existência de afinidades entre os que se amam derivou das mudanças que ocorreram no planeta especialmente ao longo dos últimos 100 anos. Não é que Freud estava equivocado; ele apenas estava se referindo às circunstâncias de sua época e não a um padrão universal que valeria para sempre. Desde então, inúmeras e importantes conquistas humanas determinaram alterações dramáticas no habitat e também no nosso modo de viver. Cito as mais importantes.
O avanço tecnológico tem tornado a vida mais fácil: as máquinas domésticas melhoraram o trabalho cotidiano relacionado à confecção das refeições, lavagem de roupas, refrigeração etc. O avanço determinou também a diminuição da importância da força física para inúmeras tarefas, o que abriu o caminho para que as mulheres tivessem acesso às atividades profissionais fora de casa, muitas delas relacionadas com a prestação de serviços.
A pílula anticoncepcional abriu as portas para o início do fim das desigualdades sexuais e sociais entre homens e mulheres. O número de filhos em cada casal diminuiu dramaticamente e os casamentos passaram a acontecer muito mais tarde, agora por volta dos 30 anos de idade tanto para rapazes como para as moças.
As mudanças tecnológicas direcionadas para o lazer se multiplicaram de uma forma assombrosa nos últimos 50 anos. Assim, o cinema tem sido pródigo em produções de enorme diversidade; na televisão existem centenas de canais diferentes voltados para todo o tipo de interesse; na internet então, o número de possibilidades cresce para perto do infinito. Se a vida de antigamente era restrita a um espaço físico relativamente pequeno que poderia ser percorrido a pé ou a cavalo, hoje os carros e aviões nos transportam rapidamente para qualquer parte do mundo. Em uma frase: as possibilidades de entretenimento se multiplicaram de uma forma assombrosa em poucas décadas.
Talvez a variável mais marcante de todas tenha a ver com o papel da mulher: se antes ela deveria se comportar como uma “sombra”, como alguém que acompanhava o marido para onde ele quisesse ir – o que não era tão difícil, pois quase não se ia a lugar algum! – hoje elas são maioria nas universidades, estudam e trabalham tanto ou mais que os homens e, em alguns países, já ganham, em média, mais que eles. Assim, se antes se dançava grudado, o homem dava o tom e à mulher cabia apenas acompanhá-lo, hoje estamos diante de uma situação igualitária que se expressa até mesmo na dança, em que, desgrudados, cada um faz os passos que acha mais adequado.
Se no passado um comandava e o outro obedecia, fato que era tratado como natural e pouco relevante posto que o cotidiano era mesmo determinado pelo empenho recíproco de resolução das necessidades práticas, hoje são dois a pensar, a ter gostos e interesses, a dispor de mais tempo para o divertimento.
Se há 100 anos a vida média era de cerca de 50 anos, hoje vivemos 50% a mais! O número de horas de trabalho diminuiu, o tempo reservado para o lazer cresceu, o número de filhos diminuiu, os homens podem executar as tarefas domésticas com certa facilidade posto que as máquinas facilitaram muitas das atividades. Ainda mais uma variável relevante: a qualidade de vida das pessoas solteiras melhorou dramaticamente, de modo que a tolerância para relacionamentos frustrantes e desinteressantes só vem diminuindo.
Novo contexto, novas exigências e novos encaixes. Para que se possa conviver em harmonia é essencial que ambos tenham gostos e interesses bem parecidos. A capacidade de fazer concessões só tem diminuído, pois elas deixaram de ser essenciais. Sempre existirão diferenças e elas terão que ser respeitadas, o que determina uma maior independência de cada membro do casal. E as afinidades e interesses em comum têm que predominar tanto no plano das atividades lúdicas quanto, principalmente, no que diz respeito aos projetos de vida.
Foram tantas as mudanças e elas aconteceram em tão pouco tempo. Não espanta que a maior parte das pessoas ainda não tenha se adaptado a essa nova mentalidade. Espanta menos ainda que o encantamento amoroso não tenha acompanhado imediatamente esse novo momento. Mas caminhará inexoravelmente para lá.
Affinities the couple are really essential?
March 2, 2015 by editor | 0 comments
The question of differences or affinities of temperament, character, tastes and interests in couples is of great relevance in today's world. It was not always so. In fact, there are about 100 years, Freud ("An Introduction to Narcissism") defended the idea that the ideal were complementary links, where a possessed the missing properties in the other; this would imply a strengthening of the couple as a whole, creating optimal conditions for better coping with adversities of everyday life. Today we speak of "soul mates"; before it came to "the lid and the pot." Why had to rationally review these criteria?
The importance of affinities between those who love derived from changes that have occurred on the planet especially over the last 100 years. Not that Freud was wrong; he was referring only to the circumstances of his time, not a universal standard that would forever. Since then, numerous and important human achievements determined dramatic changes in habitat and also in our way of living. I quote the most important.
Technological advances have made life easier: household machines improved the daily work related to preparing meals, washing clothes, cooling etc. The advance also determined the decrease in the importance of physical force for numerous tasks, which paved the way for women to have access to professional activities outside the home, many of them related to the provision of services.
The contraceptive pill opened the door to the beginning of the end of the sexual and social inequalities between men and women. The number of children in each family has decreased dramatically and marriages began to happen much later, now around 30 years of age for both boys and for girls.
Technological changes directed to the leisure multiplied an astonishing over the last 50 years. Thus, the film has been lavish in enormous diversity of productions; in hundreds of different television channels are directed to all types of interest; the Internet then the number of possibilities increases to near infinity. If life was formerly restricted to a relatively small physical space that could be traveled on foot or on horseback, today's cars and planes take us quickly to anywhere in the world. In a phrase, the entertainment possibilities are increased an astonishing way in a few decades.
Perhaps the most significant variable of all has to do with the role of women: if before it should behave as a "shadow", as one who accompanied her husband to where he wanted to go - which was not as difficult as hardly if going anywhere! - Today they are most in universities, study and work as much or more than men and in some countries, already earn on average more than them. So, if before was danced stuck, the man set the tone and the woman was up only accompany you, today we are facing an egalitarian situation that is expressed even in the dance, where, desgrudados, each makes the steps that finds more appropriate.
If last one ran and the other obeyed, a fact that was treated as natural and hardly relevant since the routine was even determined by the mutual commitment to resolving the practical needs today are two to think, to have tastes and interests, have more time for fun.
If 100 years ago the average life was about 50, we live 50% more! The number of hours worked decreased, the time reserved for leisure grew, the number of children declined, men can perform household tasks with relative ease since the machines facilitated many of the activities. Still another important variable: the quality of life of single people has improved dramatically, so that the tolerance for frustrating and dull relationships comes only decreasing.
New context, new requirements and new fittings. In order to live in harmony is essential that both have very similar tastes and interests. The ability to compromise has only decreased because they are no longer essential. There will always be differences and they will have to be respected, which leads to increased independence of each member of the couple. And the common affinities and interests have to prevail both in terms of recreational activities as mainly with respect to the life projects.
So many changes and they happened in such a short time. No wonder most people you have not yet adapted to this new mindset. It amazes even less than the love spell has not followed immediately this new moment. But inexorably walk there.
Affinities the couple are really essential?
March 2, 2015 by editor | 0 comments
The question of differences or affinities of temperament, character, tastes and interests in couples is of great relevance in today's world. It was not always so. In fact, there are about 100 years, Freud ("An Introduction to Narcissism") defended the idea that the ideal were complementary links, where a possessed the missing properties in the other; this would imply a strengthening of the couple as a whole, creating optimal conditions for better coping with adversities of everyday life. Today we speak of "soul mates"; before it came to "the lid and the pot." Why had to rationally review these criteria?
The importance of affinities between those who love derived from changes that have occurred on the planet especially over the last 100 years. Not that Freud was wrong; he was referring only to the circumstances of his time, not a universal standard that would forever. Since then, numerous and important human achievements determined dramatic changes in habitat and also in our way of living. I quote the most important.
Technological advances have made life easier: household machines improved the daily work related to preparing meals, washing clothes, cooling etc. The advance also determined the decrease in the importance of physical force for numerous tasks, which paved the way for women to have access to professional activities outside the home, many of them related to the provision of services.
The contraceptive pill opened the door to the beginning of the end of the sexual and social inequalities between men and women. The number of children in each family has decreased dramatically and marriages began to happen much later, now around 30 years of age for both boys and for girls.
Technological changes directed to the leisure multiplied an astonishing over the last 50 years. Thus, the film has been lavish in enormous diversity of productions; in hundreds of different television channels are directed to all types of interest; the Internet then the number of possibilities increases to near infinity. If life was formerly restricted to a relatively small physical space that could be traveled on foot or on horseback, today's cars and planes take us quickly to anywhere in the world. In a phrase, the entertainment possibilities are increased an astonishing way in a few decades.
Perhaps the most significant variable of all has to do with the role of women: if before it should behave as a "shadow", as one who accompanied her husband to where he wanted to go - which was not as difficult as hardly if going anywhere! - Today they are most in universities, study and work as much or more than men and in some countries, already earn on average more than them. So, if before was danced stuck, the man set the tone and the woman was up only accompany you, today we are facing an egalitarian situation that is expressed even in the dance, where, desgrudados, each makes the steps that finds more appropriate.
If last one ran and the other obeyed, a fact that was treated as natural and hardly relevant since the routine was even determined by the mutual commitment to resolving the practical needs today are two to think, to have tastes and interests, have more time for fun.
If 100 years ago the average life was about 50, we live 50% more! The number of hours worked decreased, the time reserved for leisure grew, the number of children declined, men can perform household tasks with relative ease since the machines facilitated many of the activities. Still another important variable: the quality of life of single people has improved dramatically, so that the tolerance for frustrating and dull relationships comes only decreasing.
New context, new requirements and new fittings. In order to live in harmony is essential that both have very similar tastes and interests. The ability to compromise has only decreased because they are no longer essential. There will always be differences and they will have to be respected, which leads to increased independence of each member of the couple. And the common affinities and interests have to prevail both in terms of recreational activities as mainly with respect to the life projects.
So many changes and they happened in such a short time. No wonder most people you have not yet adapted to this new mindset. It amazes even less than the love spell has not followed immediately this new moment. But inexorably walk there.
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